Steph's Place

14th May - I Am Trans

By Reina Watt

I am a trans woman, my body was born with incorrect body parts which means I am unable to have a baby despite the strong primal yearning in me to be able to have a baby.

I am a trans woman, I was born a girl but mistaken for a boy because of my birth defect. I was forced to be a cis gender heterosexual male because of that birth defect but the social conversion therapy couldn't hold as you can't turn a trans person into a cis person, you can't suppress someone's innate self.

I am a trans woman, when I was a teen my body developed along the incorrect puberty path which was distressing and painful. I was a young woman suffering through so much horror while aching for my period to begin, for my breasts to develop, for my body to develop along the feminine path that I knew it was meant to take.

I am a trans woman, My innate sense of self, my gender, my identity is female, feminine. The only woman I know how to be is myself for there is no manual in how to be a woman. No one cis woman is the same as one another after all and the same is very much true of trans women, there is no manual, no guidelines, there is simply the truth of who you are as a person and being true to yourself and your own self-expression that you present to the world.

I am a trans woman, I am a unique individual in my own right. I like the things I like, I express myself in the way that is right for me. I am healing from a life of abuse and mistreatment, I am struggling and so very lonely as I take the steps to heal bit by painful slow bit. People still continue to hurt me to this day, cis and trans alike, for my being poor, disabled and trans female. Yet I somehow get back on my feet despite the wounds and the pain and keep doing my best to take another step forward no matter how much I endure.

I am a trans woman, I am a woman always and forever. I get a monthly period although it is bloodless as I lack particular body parts, it is all hormonal for me and it can hurt, my moods can go everywhere and I endure it as I must because a period regardless of if it is one with blood or without is part and package of being past puberty age, even cis men get a hormone cycle though it's not as strong for them.

I am a trans woman, I was a girl, I was a young woman, I am a woman. I smile, I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I am in so much pain as I heal, I ache to be held with actual compassion and kindness, I ache to not be hurt by anyone ever again.

I am a trans woman, my body is female because I am female. It is not a male body as I am not male, I do not identify as male, I have never been male. I do not know how to be male nor do I wish to be male. My experiences are as different as any woman's, cis and trans alike, and they are the ones I have faced largely alone. They do not negate my womanhood as they instead enforce it, they enforce my determination to be myself as I embrace my innate femininity and pride of being a woman.

I am a trans woman, I am very real, I am not some stereotype nor some monster made up by those who seek to oppress and control people via genital based oppressions. I am not a threat to anyone as I do not wish to harm anyone, I just wish to be able to live my life in pain to peace, to transition so that my body is comfortable for me to live in, to seek what I need for my own happiness and my own sake.

I am a trans woman, please don't oppress me again. Please let me live my life, let me be happy instead of suppressed and miserable. I was born this way, I did not choose. If there had been a choice while I was in the womb I would have been born cis female.

I am a trans woman and had I been born a cis woman I would likely be facing oppressive ideals and demands aimed to control my body, my life, to force me to have children despite not wishing to if I wasn't ready to.

The irony in that is that as a trans woman my body is also being met with demands by those who are not trans to control my body, to force me to live in accordance to the parts I have and hate deeply. To be stripped of my free will and individuality, to be forced to be nothing more than a seed spreader in many regards because, as far as the genital obsessed are concerned, my genitals are seen as more important to the ideals and demands of those who profit from expendable labour and soldiers at the cost of the free will and freedoms of the rest of us.

I am a trans woman, I am a woman. My body is mine to have a say on, my life is mine to live. I am not breeding stock, I am not some expendable disposable asset to use, abuse and throw away.

I am a woman, I am a trans woman, I am a human being, I am me, myself. I am an individual, I am on estrogen which has stripped me of so much physical strength and stamina while helping my body to develop along a more estrogen driven development while the testosterone that is poison to my health and my life is being suppressed.

I am a woman.
I am trans.
Trans rights are human rights.

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