Steph's Place

20th December - Maddy's Poem.

By Madelaine Taylor


Maddy's Poem: 

I look at myself in the mirror, but the image that I see, the person looking back, that person isn’t me.

There’s a person in my mirror, with stubble and short hair, there’s a person in my mirror that doesn’t wear the clothes I wear.

There’s a person looking back at me whose lips are thin, whose hair is grey - their body is all masculine, no curves no shape - no way.

No way that this is me, in there, looking out into my eyes - no way that I can reconcile myself with this disguise.

I’m not a man, I’m feminine, my skin is smooth and clear. My hair is long, my lips are full. Why can’t I see this here?


Why can’t I see in this mirror the face I know is mine?

Why can’t I look upon myself and feel that all is fine?

Why must I suffer every day, knowing that inside I’m not the sight that you all see.

My spirit is denied. Denied the truth of being seen the way I feel I should.

Denied the right to be myself - denied what’s in my blood.


Why are my body and my mind so torn and so at odds?

Why was I born this way at all?

Is it a joke amongst the gods?

Is this a lesson I need to learn, am I punished from on high?

Is this a test? - is this a curse that will plague me til I die?

I cannot be this person, I cannot live this life.

I cannot bare the torment, I cannot bare the strife.

I need to see the person that I know that I should be.

I need to see that person looking back at me.


So I will do all that I can to make that person known.

I will plant her seed in me and tend it til it’s grown.

I will change my future now.

I will defy the gods.

I will be a woman.

I will beat all the odds.

I will take the tablets.

I will take the knife, I will change my face, my sex, I will change my life.

I am Maddie, look at me, see what’s deep inside.

I am Maddie and I will be what my mirror tries to hide.

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Love and let live